October 10, 2006

the days of the grift

I remember the days when this web journal was solely used for the documenting of the grift. We would tell stories of grifts past, and try to teach others the way of the grift. However, the times they are a changing, and grifters have seen this truth as painfully as the rest of us.

Just the other day in Portland, the spinto band found themselves in a Sav-a-Lot grocery store around 1 am. Our show had completed and we needed some pumpkin flavor beer and doritos. While shopping, I went by the sandwich cooler and the grifter in me awoke. I noticed that the sandwiches in the cooler were labeled "Sell By Oct. 5." My biological clock had just ticked onto October 6th, and I needed to alert someone at Sav-a-Lot that these sandwiches could not rightfully be sold. It was the right thing to do.

The grift was obvious: the clerk would have to throw away all the perishable sandwiches, and instead of him wasting a ton of food, he would rather give it to me so I could throw away. It had worked many times in the past and I felt confident that it would work in Portland.

I was wrong.

The clerk would not hand over the sandwich when I pointed out the overdue sell-by date. He held onto it, despite my bargaining and buttering. I told him no one would care... no one would even know." I knew I was beat when he pointed to the ceiling and said, "I know who would care, God would care." ----- dill-weed!-----

Not much I could say after that. You can slow the grift but you can't abolish the grifter! Despite this upending we have not stopped grifting. We still sneak 6 dudes into hotel rooms fit for 1, and we still are receiving free pizza at Whole Foods. Stores are, for some reason, concerned with customers getting sick if they eat food you are supposed to throw away, but I think everyone should know that grifters live by their own laws... They don't press charges for things like that. They may walk in front of a speeding car and press charges for whiplash, but they don't get free food then press charges for a tummy ache. At least I hope not. Hopefully Krispy Kreme and Starbucks are reading this... give us your waste, we are hungry.


krisan said...

i enjoy the grift stories. well done with the thieving guys, keep it up. don't get cocky though and think you can pull off past due milk or something...that wouldn't be pretty.

and turns out we are going to have an effing lot of cupcakes with us at a couple of the gigs this week, so...free desserts kids. we won't let them all go to WAS.

kari said...

creative cupcakes. combining three delicious flavors in one savory bite. =) yum.

nin(j)a said...

hahahaha, you guys are sneaky.

Anonymous said...

What do you guys want, used up lattes? Oh and b-t-dubs, Krispy Kreme donates their leftovers to the homeless. I guess that would actually apply to you, though. Okay. Grift on.

Joseph R. said...

There is a cafe annexed to my college's library, and if you are there at the right time... about 10:15, the start to give away some of the shelved things that didn't sell. Now, whenever I have work to do, I make sure to take a break just after 10. Yesterday, a nice free slice of banana nut bread. I'm beginning to notice a few other grifters oncampus, maybe we should form a club.

Anonymous said...

Walk into any Starbucks moments before they are closing and ask for the "markouts." Works 60% of the time, every time. The trick is to look like you know what you're doing.