March 7, 2007
Oh boyeeee it's been a long time since I've decided to actually review a freaking soda in here and what comes to those who wait? Vault fucking Red fucking Blitz. Yeah, it's pretty much the soda equivalent of Alfonso Ribeiro but as many producers have said about Alfonso, "It'll have to do."
So the story begins early this morning at about 1:00 AM in whothefuckknows, TX which might as well have been the hometown of this guy. In fact, I think that Grandpa was the cashier at the gas station where I saw the Red Blitz for the first time. Either way, I was surprised to see this new flavor of Vault which apparently just launched on March 1st. In a way I shouldn't be surprised because the original Vault was a direct rip-off of Mountain Dew and so this new "Vault injected with a Berry Blast" is a direct rip-off of Mountain Dew: Code Red. Now I acknowledge that this happens all the time, Pepsi Vanilla ripped off Vanilla Coke, Coke Blak ripped off Pepsi Kona, etc. but if Vault releases an orange and grape flavored Vault to match Mountain Dew Livewire + Pitch Black, then a foul really should be called.
In terms of the actual beverage, I actually like it better than the original outing from Vault. It is very red, I think red enough to be scientifically dubbed "a blitz" which is a good thing. It has the same overall flavor as Vault with a hint of some kind of dubious berry infused with it to make a palatable enough taste. Again, I was never in love with the original Vault and I think I might have enjoyed it simply because I was tired and the promise of caffeine and energy ensured me that I wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel, but this isn't much better. At least it'll give Coke an excuse to release a bunch of ridiculous flavors to combat the large hold that Mountain Dew has on the Cool Boy Citrus Soda market...