2. Mint Julep Soda - A soda version of the south's favorite cocktail? I’m in! This number is made with real mint leaves, comes in a green glass bottle, and could quite possibly be the perfect drink for a hot summer’s day. The only gripe I really have with it is the artwork. The layout seems kind of lazy, and at the top you might notice it claims to be “Plantation Style”. As crisp and refreshing as the soda was, evoking imagery of the old south made it taste a little racist.
3. Fukola Cola – It took me a bit to work up the nerve to purchase this soda. It’s ugly and has a terrible name in a hideous font. You probably can’t read it, but on the label it reads, “Anytime, anywhere, with anyone”. Ugh. This bottle is just brimming with the kind of Dionysian attitude I hate, but since I’m a fan of micro-brewed cola, I had to buy it. The tragic thing is about Fukola is that it actually tastes good. It has one of the best aftertastes of any soda I’ve ever had. It resembles the flavor of Candy Cigarettes or the white edible “dipper” in Fun Dip. Why, Fukola, why? Why do you have to try to be such a badass? It’s like finding a Beach Boys CD inside of a Buckcherry jewel case. Just change your lousy design so I can buy your delightful cola without any further embarrassment.
4. Faygo Rock &
6. Moxie Original Elixer – Now, I’ve had “Moxie” before, but this is supposedly the real deal. Any kind of Moxie sold in regular stores is just “watered-down diarrhea juice”, according to John F. Nese*. John did tell me, however, that this stuff is so strong that it takes years to acquire a taste for it. This made my expectations pretty high, so I prepared my tongue to accept what I thought would be the most heinous medicinal liquid imaginable…It actually turned out to be pretty good. It’s a bold, unique drink that I would never have on a regular basis. Maybe once a month, to keep the spirits strong and the doctor away.
7. Iron Beer – The only one in this batch that came in an aluminum can. It originates in
8. Ancient Cola – I was so excited for you, Ancient Cola. Your claims of being an “Asian Herb and Spice Brew” had me salivating from the moment I put you in my shopping basket. I was a tad suspicious, however, about your dirty, peeling label…But perhaps the bottler had done that on purpose to enhance your “ancient” look. I was wrong. You were flat. So flat it’s as if you actually got bottled at the peak of the
*Not true. John Nese is a wonderful man who would never use this kind of obscenity.