Sam Hughes Reviews: Three Apples a Day Keep the Doctor Away.

Jones Green Apple Soda: We will start this apple themed tri-review with Jones Green Apple Soda (and by the way, for the people who asked, I am a fan of Jones soda. Their sodas have interesting flavors that are better than Coke or Pepsi, but I don’t like having to go to Target to buy them.) Anyway, we’ll get started with the packaging. I respect Jones approach to the labeling of their cans and bottles. They let fans of the soda take pictures of whatever, and then they pick the ones they like and put them on the bottle. I don’t remember what picture was on the last can of Green Apple Soda I had, but it was probably a kid sledding or making a funny face or some shit, again nothing too exciting, but I respect the idea. The color of the soda is important here, and this motherfucker is bright green as it should be. I had mixed reactions after my first taste. The soda is very sweet and tricks you into thinking that it is artificially sweetened way too much, but the after taste leaves you with a nice natural apple taste. Fortunately or unfortunately, this places Green Apple Soda into the “delicacy” soda genre in my mind along with grape and orange sodas. This doesn’t make it a bad drink by any stretch, but it means that I had difficulty finishing a 12-pack in timely fashion and had to resort to using it as a mixer for my 5 O’clock Vodka (which does make a cheap and easy cocktail.) Overall, this is a pretty good product if you don’t overdo it too much and get sick of it too quickly, but is this the apple soda of my eye? Read on…

Frawg by Pepsi, An Apple Flavored Refreshment: I’m not sure if there is much hype behind this 7-11 exclusive beverage, but I do know that it also comes in a Slurpee format, which unfortunately wasn’t available in this Seattle, WA 7-11 convenience store. I tend not to review sodas that are fountain exclusive (Mountain Dew Baja Blast, maybe I’ll get to that one soon) because there are many variables in terms of syrup consistency that may affect flavor, but I had to give this one a try. The packaging and advertisements for the soda are pretty stupid. The logo of the bottom of a frog’s (Frawg’s!!) foot isn’t so bad, but the poster outside of the store of an ultra-hip, in your face frog doing some sort of Tae-Bo move simply made me want to croak. And I’ve got to wonder what the deal is with naming a soda after a slimy amphibian. Just because you use a “W” doesn’t make it alright, but maybe I’ll be proven wrong when Coca-Cola responds with Toadd!, the Toadally awesome apple soda competitor within the next two months. Plus, after drinking this soda I went to the restroom and spit in the sink and the neon green pus-like that came out of my mouth reminded me of what a frog (FRAWGGG!!) might spit out after eating a dragonfly. So, I’d say that the marketing is effective, but perhaps not in a good way. The beverage itself was quite underwhelming. The sweetness was overwhelming, but that is about all there was to take out of it and it was hard to distinguish the green apple flavoring. The fact that this is a caffeinated soda will help it sell, and anybody who is impressed by Jujitsu frogs (Frawgs) might like it too. I know I’m coming back for round two for the Slurpee, but this Frawg has ribbited its last ribbit. Yet there is one more apple to be picked off the tree, and sweetened and carbonated…what could it be?!

Fanta Apple Soda: Fanta Fanta, don’t you wanta, wanta Fanta? I posed this age-old question to myself at a rest stop outside of Denver, CO and the answer that day was a definitive yes. What made this Fanta so appealing (like an apple peel, GET IT?) was that it was a flavor I hadn’t seen before and haven’t seen since. What also makes this interesting is that this wasn’t a green apple soda like those previously reviewed, but rather a red apple soda, possibly based on a Macintosh or a Fuji. I’ve always been intrigued by Coca-Cola’s marketing of their Fanta brand. The commercials feature bold colors, catchy music, and most importantly the Fanta girls who each wear a different color dress which corresponds to the four major Fanta flavors: cherry, grape, orange, and pineapple. While watching these women dance around in their go-go boots, my main concentration is trying to figure out which one is the hottest. Is it Caucasian Pineapple, African-American Orange, or Asian Grape? After thirty seconds of trying to get a good glimpse of each one of them, I inevitably wonder if any of them are all that attractive and soda is the last thing on my mind. Sadly there is no Apple Fanta girl to my knowledge, but if there was I imagine she would wear an amber dress and she would be my wife. I could see the color of soda being unappealing to some as its closest soda relative in terms of tint is probably cream soda, but then again it basically looks like carbonated apple juice, so it makes sense. The closest beverage I can compare this to is Martinelli’s sparkling cider, but with Fanta Apple you get all the flavor without the embarrassment of drinking a non-alcoholic champagne replacement. Fanta Apple has a very crisp carbonated apple juice flavor and very unique taste for any soda. My only wish is that Coke would distribute this beverage outside if that one single gas station in Colorado, but I suppose Johnny Appleseed has been dead for years.

But wait, nothing has been decided yet… Which apple cuisine reigns supreme?!

Fanta Apple!

Let’s look at the scores!
Fanta Apple: 8.5
Jones Soda: 8.0
Frawg: 4.5

Looks like Mr. Jones and (me) that stupid-ass frog have to go back to the drawing board while the Fanta Five (including the new Mrs. Hughes) will dance all night long. Shit yeah I wanta Fanta.