May 16, 2006

Jeff orders the best

So it has become clear that Jeff Hobson is the best at randomly ordering dishes at restaurants and having them be real scores. Now... we all just order whatever Jeff orders. He is the Duke of the Menu, the Master of the Platter, the the King of all Catering.

This was captured on film at a recent post-gig visit to a kebab shop in Stoke. It was a Saturday night, and we were all quite famished from the freightening victory of the Red Army in the FA cup final, as well as too many strongbows, dice rounds, and broken strings. When the beaming fluorescents of the local kebab shop seemed very mosey-friendly, we decided to mosey on up. I think the young restauranteurs inside were stoned, but that's another story all together.

Upon ordering, many of us took the conventional route one would take at a kebab shop... everyone except Jeffrey William Hobson. While the rest of us were ordering chips (fries) and kebabs, Jeff decided to order what he thought were chicken-fries. Instead he got what is pictured below.



It was in fact 4 pieces of chicken AND a bunch of chip-fries, as well as some strips of a lamb type of meat called Doner, and a bunch of salad. It was massive. It could have fed all of us. It could have fed all of Stoke. It could have fed Louie Anderson. Compared to my kebab, it was a force to be reckoned with. We felt as though Jeff had hit a grand slam in the bottom of the 9th. He had approached the counter at the kebab emporium, knowing full well, that he was going to get his money's worth, and gosh darn it, he did! He may have only eaten about a quarter of it (if that) but he had taken on a beast. We were all proud of Jeff, and realized he has quite a power. He has the ability to order the best thing on the menu, without fail. Long Live Jeff!

We asked Jeff to recount his order:

"I set out to order some chicken nuggets, so I saw chicken COMMA fries, but overlooked the comma. The price was right. It was only 4 pounds or something. I didn't know what doner was, so I just ignored that. Right after I ordered it, someone told me it was a family pack, so I took my order back, but they gave it to me any way. Those guys didn't know how to take an order back... or didn't hear me, or were ignoring me. Who knows what it was. The doner was good at first, but that started to make me feel gross when i looked at it, so stopped eating that and focused on the salad, chicken and chips... Which was all real good. It had a real good chili sauce on it, which I forgot to mention. spicy!"

"it weighed a good 2 or 3 pounds easy." said Jeff

"I was so jealous, but Jeff is a generous man. He shared quite a bit. There was still too much." -Thomas Hughes


"Falafel, ya we got falafel."-kebab shop stoner

they didn't have falafel!

10 comments:

t said...

kebab doner meat?
survey says no!!
Seriously.. you'd already seen the big elephant's leg of rank meat twirling round.. but to put it in your mouth?! Well done jeff, but please no more! You are too young to lose to a kebab-related-poisioning-death...

on another note... hair cut jon? very swish...i guess you felt left out...

Anonymous said...

Too cool.

she-ra said...

my favorite thing about Jeff is his infectious laugh... keep up the good orderin' dream boat!

Bobby said...

Steer clear of restaurants with rotating turds firmly packed together in their front window.

KHOU KOULASH!

ryan said...

Hey, a Tender & Tasty box! I eat all of my meals out of those.

Anonymous said...

MY favorite thing about Jeff is his sweet smile.

Anonymous said...

i second that.

Bobby said...

Mine is his ever-so-slightly stoned eyes!

Megan said...

I have had the HARDEST time finding falafel! Finally discovered some at a kebab shop not too far from me (SCORE!) but that was only after I'd asked in about 10. And all the guys at kebab shops look at me with pride and sadness when I ask if they have tahini instead of mayo or ketchup for a topping on a chicken kebab. Find a place that sells baklava! No one orders it, so it's usually a bit soggy, but it's still honey-filo-nut-deliciousness.

Anonymous said...

That's the nicest looking dog meat I've ever seen, I bet you felt ruff in the morning!

(Sorry)!

Lionel Richtea